[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]
Re: Over-The-Rhine Digest V2 #804
Dancing on a volcano, "Sir Not Quite So Brave As Sir Lancelot"
<howe.38 at osu_edu> said:
>rules concerning god
>
>
>rule #1: you may not put your hand(s) on god or impede the progress of god
>in anyway after 5 yards beyond the line of scrimmage
Thou Shalt Not Bump-And-Run.
>rule #2: you may not hit god leading with your helmet or purposely aim for
>the head of god.
Thou Shalt Not Lead With The Head.
>rule #3: when you attempt to block god while on defense, your body must
>not be moving at the moment of impact.
Thou Shalt Take The Charge.
>rule #4: illegal use hands to the face of god is strictly prohibited.
Thou Shalt Not Commit A Face Mask Penalty.
>rule #5: you may not pick up god and travel with him/her for more than
>three steps.
Thou Shalt Not Travel.
>rule #6: you may body check god but be prepared to defend yourself
>afterwards against the wrath of god.
Thou Shalt Body Check At Thy Own Mortal Peril.
>rule #7: you may not go beyond god (of the opposite side) if the ball/puck
>is still behind you.
Thou Shalt Allow Thy Ball/Puck To Proceed Thee Into Thy Opponent's
Side.
>rule #8: you must throw the ball to an eligible god if you are still within
>the pocket (i.e. between the tackles)
Thou Shalt Use Only Eligible Receivers.
>rule #9: you may not purposely throw at god (i.e. in retaliation), such
>act will also result in the wrath of god.
Thou Shalt Not Use Thy God For Intentional Grounding.
>rule #10: Casey's rule--soccer rules do not apply to god, it is not a
>sport.
Thou Shalt Not Play Soccer.
>rule #11: you may not grab onto any parts of god while attempting to block.
Thou Shalt Not Hold.
>rule #12: tennis rules also do not apply to god, for it is also not a
>sport, it is playing ping-pong while standing on the table. (per George
>Carlin)
Thou Shalt Not Play Tennis.
>rule #13: there shall be no more than 11 gods on the field of play once the
>play has started, but you must allow time for proper god substitution by the
>opposite team.
The Number Of The Chosen Is Eleven. No More, No Less.
>rule #14: you may not cause god to cross two blue lines without being
>touched.
Thou Shalt Not Commit Icing.
Commandment #12592
Oh ye who go about saying unto each: "Hello sailor":
Dost thou know the magnitude of thy sin before the gods?
Yea, verily, thou shalt be ground between two stones.
Shall the angry gods cast thy body into the whirlpool?
Surely, thy eye shall be put out with a sharp stick!
Even unto the ends of the earth shalt thou wander and
Unto the land of the dead shalt thou be sent at last.
Surely thou shalt repent of thy cunning.
--
NP: My new pink vinyl _Under The Pink_
cemery at columbus_rr.com
ICQ: 1355886
References: