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Accepting.
In a message dated 10/1/99 9:20:17 PM, kelvinbailey at juno_com wrote:
> That statement was
>made out my frustration with the whole controversy crap.
Apology accepted. Which is good, cos I've slowly been getting through my 300
emails from the last week, and hitting the original comment made my eyes
swim. I was in a slow burn about it all day, much as I was when I read about
a certain group's mission to "pray for the Jews to find Jesus" during the
High Holy Days.
Let me explain.
I am a Jew. I have never before stated on this list what my private religious
beliefs are, because, many times, I feel someone has to stand up for all the
religious minorities here, and over the past three-plus years, I've taken
that responsibility for myself. But I have never, for the least particle of
time, been ashamed of my religion. I have never in my life been anything but
proud and fulfilled in the religion and culture of my ancestors. The more I
discover about my own religion, the more I realise it embodies all the
feelings and emotions already within me. To me, Judaism isn't a set of rules
to follow: it's a way of life I already live. It's the skin that is most me,
the water I breathe in, the air I swim in. It's my most comfortable laugh.
It's my comfiest bed. It connects me to my people, to my history, to my
future, to my soul. I don't go to synagogue very often, but I don't worry
myself to grief about it. I know in my heart who I am, and I'd like to think
G-d does, too. I've had several people here on the list, who've seen me in my
Gothly glory, react with open-mouthed astonishment when I bring up my
spiritual views and my devotion to my religion and my people. It alway makes
me laugh, though I love my friends very much. I'm just very private about it.
One thing I always knew, well before I knew that it was a basic tenet of my
religion, is that Jews don't evangelise. It doesn't sit right with us. Ask a
Jew anything about his or her religion, and you may well get a full
discourse. Several discourses. And dessert. And wine. There's an old joke:
ask two Jews, get three opinions. It's very true. But ask a Jew about
evangelism, and you won't often get much. To us, the relationship between a
heart and its G-d is the most private, intensely personal relationship it is
possible to have. It is so private, the heart itself may not know it all, and
may spend much of its life in the exploring. And for another person to
attempt to impose their will on that search is anathema. It borders on the
obscene. How can anyone come between G-d and a heart? How can anyone BUT G-d
answer the heart's questions?
But being private about one's religion doesn't mean being passive.
One of the things we pray for during Yom Kippur is to be forgiven for our
sins and our shortcomings, one of which is, "I have been timid in my heart."
A few weeks ago, during that very introspective time of the year, I came
across an essay in the Philly Inquirer from a woman who said she never
understood that until the day she saw a skinhead make a Nazi salute and yell,
"Heil, Hitler!" at a group of Jewish Vets during a parade. She did nothing.
And then she understood that something so innocuous-sounding as, "I have been
timid" can be just as much of a failing as "I have lied," "I have stolen," "I
have cheated." To be timid, to not stand up and say something is wrong when
you _know_ it's wrong, is to agree with it. And to lessen yourself. To lie to
your heart is to lie to G-d.
I don't mean to get the whole religion debate started again. I can't tell you
what I believe about G-d because I don't know. I'm not done with my
research-- I'll get back to you when I have my rough draft done. But I hope
all of you understand why I had to say something. Even though I know now it
was an offhand, facetious comment, to hear someone say something about any
Jews needing converting is, to me, like asking if there are any blacks who
need bleaching. If a someone converts to another religious path, it's a
matter of choice for that soul. It's a heart answering G-d in its own way.
Jews don't _need_ converting. Blacks don't need bleaching. Gays don't need to
be straight.
We all just need to be true to our hearts, and strong in that bond.
And we must not be timid.