off topic discussions (used to be politicking)

[Christina Howell <cjchowell@yahoo.com>]

First let me say that I am not trying to ruffle any
feathers here. 

I just wanted to stick up for Eric a little. I am
relatively new to the list, even though I have been a
fan of OTR for about 8 years. So when I joined the
list I didn't say much and still tend to mostly lurk.
I wanted to mostly watch and learn how this list
worked. While I do feel that the off topic discussions
have given me more insight to other members of the
list, I also find that my response to them
(internally) is to not jump in and participate. The
reason for this is due to the obvious fact that
several of you have been part of the orchard much
longer than I. I often feel like my response would be
intruding on a conversation that I am not a part of.
So in turn I keep lurking. 
In many ways, it feels like a child who is watching a
circle of classmates and wants to have them open the
circle and let her in. She is thinking that looks so
great I want to be part of it, but I don't want to
intrude or interupt. Like I said that is my internal
response, and I am responsible  for what actions I
take as a result. I in no way want to imply that the
list is not welcoming. The list is welcoming. I felt
very welcomed when I joined the orchard. I think it is
not surprising when you have a group that has such a
history. It takes time to become part of the history
and make connections to it. At the same time extensive
posts that are off topic are difficult for me to deal
with. Not because they are off topic, but because I
can't decide whether to join in or not. I realize you
don't bite. There is a question of acceptance that
runs through my head though. I find have differing
viewpoints than the apparant vocal majority (near as I
can tell). So I end up torn. Do I respond to topics
wondering 'Are they gonna think I am some unaware
newbie, who doesn't know what she is talking about?'
or some similar type of write off because I am not yet
known? My other option is to not respond and remain
uknown. Perhaps this is too introspective. I don't
know where I am going with this. Please forgive the
lack of organization of this stream of thougt. I am
generally not leary of risk, but for some reason the
list has me perplexed. I feel like I have gotten to
know more about the members who post since I joined
but that I have not gotten to know the members.
Similarly, I don't think the list has gotten to know
me well. The latter, is my own fault. The first has
more to do with the nature of the interaction. As a
result,  the more time that passes the larger the risk
grows. Enough, I am losing my train of thought, and I
feel that I am getting aimless in my statements. 

I am not advocating making any changes to the list.
Neither am I trying to be negative about the list. I
merely wanted to point out that I can understand a
little of Eric's perspective. 

I hope this is taken for what it was intended. 

-christina

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