career/marriage -- either/or? -- both/and?

["Peter T. Chattaway" <petert@interchange.ubc.ca>]

On Tue, 28 Oct 2003 OTRhine@aol.com wrote:
> We really love what we do, but we're not willing to sacrifice our
> relationship and marriage on the altar of a career. We think you'll
> agree when we see you again that our music is more alive than ever.

Y'know, a thought occurs to me.  It may be a false dichotomy to say that
Karin and Linford are choosing their marriage *over* their career, when
the career in question is very much one that is actually built on the
marriage.  One *could* argue that it is just a question of what would be
the better career move right now; that is, it is a question of asking
which is more fundamental to the career: the marriage or a handful of
concerts?  As the letter from K&L indicates, the career -- the music --
should be "more alive than ever" once the marriage is sorted out.

I don't mean this in a cynical way or anything.  But I think people who
work as journalists or software engineers or even musicians on the one
hand, and have spouses on the other hand, are in a somewhat different
position than couples whose marriages and careers are very, very
intertwined.  Those who live compartmentalized lives may have to choose
between compartments, but those who live more integrated lives have
different choices to make.  I think I would be more likely to see this as
a marriage-over-career kind of choice if a *solo* musician called off a
tour because s/he said s/he wanted to work on his/her relationship.

--- Peter T. Chattaway --------------------------- peter@chattaway.com ---
Nothing tells memories from ordinary moments; only afterwards do they
   claim remembrance, on account of their scars. -- Chris Marker, La Jetee

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