Re: love one another

To: "J. Marie Hall" <fionaeval at yahoo_com>, <dtemm at yahoo_com>

Subject: Re: love one another

From: "Patty Teesdale" <PatuniaT at msn_com>

Date: Thu, 15 Aug 2002 22:42:51 -0400

Hey j. marie, list:

>where even though i reject my
>ability/right to affect others...it's b/c of some
>evidence i have...which implies that somehow, if that
>were improved, i actually could be the force that
>changes the world. that's pride, not to mention a
>lie. that's one of the pictures i have of false
>humility, at least from my own experience

Perhaps then, it is the evidence or life experience that can make us too proud to speak up. Like we cannot step out of our box, or our comfort zone, because once that was a hurtful experience, so I feel I am more experienced now, that I wont try that again. But that is most defiantly, a severe case of fear of man, and submitting to circumstances. I guess its true that we do have a choice in whatever situation we are stuck in to make it or break it. And when fear of man comes in, our resolve or strength shifts to a need of approval even for the simplest of things. Thus it is like an endless cycle, and we dont realize we are caught in our own web; a thorn in our own side. But yet we feel we are doing ourselves, and the world a favor. I guess I d rather die for something, than to live for nothing. From now on perhaps I should allow more perspective on my own personal thinking day to day. Sometimes it seems all or nothing. I need that balance, that middle ground where my own needs are met, (but not in a pathetic, over-encompassing way) and I still have room to include thoughts about the people I love and the world around me. Yes, I think that balance is something we could all stand to work on.

Truly,

Patty

----- Original Message -----

From: J. Marie Hall

Sent: Thursday, August 15, 2002 9:15 PM

To: Patty Teesdale; dtemm at yahoo_com

Cc: over-the-rhine at actwin_com

Subject: Re: love one another

hi patty and list :)

> That is very true. I suppose some of my resolve to
> dislike typical "evangelism" could be a hidden fear
> of insecurity or
> loss of reputation. I guess maybe I am not
> comfortable being a "Jesus Freak".

and ya know, some of it might not be as easily
uncovered as all that (not to say that's easily
uncovered :) ). sometimes, at least for me, it has
come down to confronting what i _really_ believe.
about god. about myself. honestly, there are areas
where i have a hard time.

what i was talking about has to do with the moments
where i'm not faithful in my resolve...where maybe
somewhere i do think humanity can solve its "own
problems." where even though i reject my
ability/right to affect others...it's b/c of some
evidence i have...which implies that somehow, if that
were improved, i actually could be the force that
changes the world. that's pride, not to mention a
lie. that's one of the pictures i have of false
humility, at least from my own experience.

> I know that we meant well, but it is one of my
> biggest regrets, that I only cared for her out of
> duty and cause Jesus said I should.

you're not the only one who has memories like that,
reminding us of where we've come from. but reading
the way you feel about it now and how you see it,
sounds a lot like you truly care about that girl.
maybe you see her more now for what she is than you
were able to back then.

which is something you can't beat yourself up about.

> came across as more hurtful than helpful. And worse
> of all (I could kick myself) she was given a bad
> impression of what Christianity was.

i'm not a big fan of my finer moments that resemble
this one :) but ya know, god is so much better, more
powerful and more loving than i could ever be. and i
know he values people more than i can, even if i am in
a process of valuing them more and more. my sister is
a good example. when i think of all the junk she saw
in the church and even in my own life, i'm amazed as i
remember the talk i mentioned. i'm amazed that i
wasn't able to screw it all up :) but that's the
positive side of a coin that also features my
amazement (often subconscious, often not) at not being
the center of the universe.

> probably wouldn't want to. It is like we care more
> about saving the soul, than the actual person.

care more about saving the soul than the soul. care
more about doing something that we could never do
(hence pride for thinking we can) than loving as one
who esteems others higher than itself as the scripture
says.

i'm with ya.

and if i had to write a philosophy regarding this
subject, i'd write what you wrote. loving people,
being friends. having a relationship. authority is
given not taken. friends i know, christian or non,
have authority to share my life and give input b/c we
have closeness. like that intimacy you mentioned. so
i agree. once in a while, though, there's some
strange situation where that isn't the case. i've
known deep down that i was to share with a person i
hardly knew or didn't even know. and i did. that is
not normal for me though.

take care,
j. marie

=====
All human nature vigorously resists grace because grace changes us and the change is painful. -Flannery O'Connor

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