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Re: Loving people

Matt,

I am a fellow introverted Catholic with anti-social tendencies who has 
struggled with many of the same issues as you.  I also notice that the more 
evangelical types seem to have a much easier time relating to people (or 
maybe it's just to each other because they've grown up within the same 
subculture).  They way I've dealt with your issue of "loving other people" 
is simple to act when I see the need despite of how I feel about it, even if 
I don't feel "love" before or afterward.  The act is the love- not the 
feeling.  Compassion, love etc. are all action verbs.  In a given situation 
ask yourself- what is the will of God?- and then act if you can figure out 
the answer.  In other words, Just Do It or fake it 'till you make it or 
however you want to put it.  The truly important thing is that you ACT- and 
believe me, at first it maybe nothing more than an act but I guarantee you 
that
nothing about your inward self will change until you do.


Ryan Richards



>From: "The Mattrix" <soberman_69 at hotmail_com>
>Reply-To: "The Mattrix" <soberman_69 at hotmail_com>
>To: over-the-rhine at actwin_com
>CC: amydutka at hotmail_com, brobertson at glenmorechristian_com,   
>fionaeval at yahoo_com, heather_sapko at hotmail_com, JLuvzMusyk at aol_com,   
>mosesxan at yahoo_com, prestokelvo at hotmail_com
>Subject: Loving people
>Date: Tue, 14 May 2002 13:45:57 -0400
>
>
>
>
>
>All you beautiful, musical people,
>
>     Who was it that sent me that rather lengthy reply to my comments about
>being a "cultural christian AND a Catholic" and the resultant misfit
>feeling.  I shamefully didn't reply, because I didn't know how to, but that
>off-list message has got me thinking.  It mentioned the challenge of loving
>ALL people, regardless of who they are and how they act.  Regardless of how
>dissimilar to yourself they may be.  That challenge is, to me, the central
>conflict of my life.
>     "Birds of a feather flock together."  Humans have an innate tendency 
>to
>stick with their own kind, and sometimes take it to the extreme, hating
>those that are unlike them.  I'm no racist, but I do suffer from feelings 
>of
>disconnectedness.  I just don't feel strong emotional bonds with others.
>I'm worried about myself.
>      My parents exhibit the symptoms of psychopathology.  They are not
>serial killers; in psychological terms they are simply people with
>anti-social tendencies.  The peolpe Leona Naess sings about in "Charm
>Aattck", or Billy Idol in "Eyes Without A Face", or Over the Rhine in
>"Whatever you Say" and "Everyman's Daughter".   My dad especially.  He
>values people solely upon how much they affirm him, and his worldview.
>People serve no other purpose for him, nor does he have any other real use
>for them, though you'd never know it if you met him.  Psychopaths are adept
>at creating a charming construct of a personality to hide the petulant 
>child
>they actually are.
>     I, on the other hand, am very real and honest, BUT...  These are the
>people that raised me, after all.  So, I have anti-social tendencies.  My
>relationships, both friendships AND romance, tend to involve attraction to
>other antisocial/psychopath types.  My friends aren't really my friends, my
>lovers aren't truly my lovers.  I avoid most other people.  Is it simply 
>the
>byproduct of that innate "flocking" impulse, or is it something else?
>     The people I work with and I have little in common.  As a result, I
>often dread going to work.  (This is true of most jobs I've held.)  
>Attempts
>to fellowship with christians, similarly, have left me cold.  (Do I use the
>Catholic thing as an excuse?)  I don't know what to do.
>     (I'm studying nursing in hopes that devoting m life to the service of
>others with instill a sense of compassion and help me to overcome
>selfishness.  I don't want to become my parents.)
>     It could just be that I'm the type of person that shies away from 
>group
>settings, as my astrological profile confirms, but I really feel a need to
>try and overcome or, at the very least, circumvent these anti-social
>tendencies.  I want to be full a love and compassion for all people.  I 
>want
>to be like Christ.
>     So, how do you do that?  I'm asking you guys because so many of you
>seem so good at it.  So tell me, how do you love unconditionally?  It there
>a secret that everyone knows but me?  Any input would be appreciated during
>my week long respite from classes.
>
>Thanks,
>
>Matt
>
>np "All I Need is Everything" on http://www.wyep.org - they recently played
>new Oils!  Gotta love THAT! (speaking of the Oils: "The triumphalist and
>narcissist are joined at ear and hip and phone/ they're worshipping their
>chrome/ some speak with chainsaw tongue some just Golden Arches smile/ some
>relish other's suffering/ some just run and hide..." - Blot)
>
>
>
>
>
>
>
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