Loving people

["The Mattrix" <soberman_69 at hotmail_com>]

All you beautiful, musical people,

     Who was it that sent me that rather lengthy reply to my comments about 
being a "cultural christian AND a Catholic" and the resultant misfit 
feeling.  I shamefully didn't reply, because I didn't know how to, but that 
off-list message has got me thinking.  It mentioned the challenge of loving 
ALL people, regardless of who they are and how they act.  Regardless of how 
dissimilar to yourself they may be.  That challenge is, to me, the central 
conflict of my life.
     "Birds of a feather flock together."  Humans have an innate tendency to 
stick with their own kind, and sometimes take it to the extreme, hating 
those that are unlike them.  I'm no racist, but I do suffer from feelings of 
disconnectedness.  I just don't feel strong emotional bonds with others.  
I'm worried about myself.
      My parents exhibit the symptoms of psychopathology.  They are not 
serial killers; in psychological terms they are simply people with 
anti-social tendencies.  The peolpe Leona Naess sings about in "Charm 
Aattck", or Billy Idol in "Eyes Without A Face", or Over the Rhine in 
"Whatever you Say" and "Everyman's Daughter".   My dad especially.  He 
values people solely upon how much they affirm him, and his worldview.  
People serve no other purpose for him, nor does he have any other real use 
for them, though you'd never know it if you met him.  Psychopaths are adept 
at creating a charming construct of a personality to hide the petulant child 
they actually are.
     I, on the other hand, am very real and honest, BUT...  These are the 
people that raised me, after all.  So, I have anti-social tendencies.  My 
relationships, both friendships AND romance, tend to involve attraction to 
other antisocial/psychopath types.  My friends aren't really my friends, my 
lovers aren't truly my lovers.  I avoid most other people.  Is it simply the 
byproduct of that innate "flocking" impulse, or is it something else?
     The people I work with and I have little in common.  As a result, I 
often dread going to work.  (This is true of most jobs I've held.)  Attempts 
to fellowship with christians, similarly, have left me cold.  (Do I use the 
Catholic thing as an excuse?)  I don't know what to do.
     (I'm studying nursing in hopes that devoting m life to the service of 
others with instill a sense of compassion and help me to overcome 
selfishness.  I don't want to become my parents.)
     It could just be that I'm the type of person that shies away from group 
settings, as my astrological profile confirms, but I really feel a need to 
try and overcome or, at the very least, circumvent these anti-social 
tendencies.  I want to be full a love and compassion for all people.  I want 
to be like Christ.
     So, how do you do that?  I'm asking you guys because so many of you 
seem so good at it.  So tell me, how do you love unconditionally?  It there 
a secret that everyone knows but me?  Any input would be appreciated during 
my week long respite from classes.

Thanks,

Matt

np "All I Need is Everything" on http://www.wyep.org - they recently played 
new Oils!  Gotta love THAT! (speaking of the Oils: "The triumphalist and 
narcissist are joined at ear and hip and phone/ they're worshipping their 
chrome/ some speak with chainsaw tongue some just Golden Arches smile/ some 
relish other's suffering/ some just run and hide..." - Blot)







_________________________________________________________________
Send and receive Hotmail on your mobile device: http://mobile.msn.com

---------------
Unsubscribe by going to http://www.actwin.com/OtR/

---

• Prev by Date: Re: Re: In the Garden
• Next by Date: of somnambulism and such...
• Prev by thread: Re: Re: In the Garden
• Next by thread: Re: Loving people
• Index(es):
  • Date
  • Thread