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you know, in spite of my careful insistence that i'm cynical, somehow i
maintain a strange fairytale belief that the world is a nice place, and
people aren't cruel, and bad things don't happen. and every day it's
tested by my reading the news, and somehow it holds up in some corner of
my mind, and now i can't even figure out if it's there.
it's rattled, that's for sure.
and i have to realise that i can't really intellectualise anything at
all... i find i can't come to any grand conclusions about this.
my 'almost hometown' - to which i also suddenly feel more tied to - has
very close ties to both attacked cities.
and while my dad is safe, i know more than a dozen people who either died,
or lost someone. 2 high school friends i knew personally.
the rest, it's hard to tally - a mom, a dad. an uncle or aunt here.
brothers and sisters. a familiar politcal face in pta stuff, o picture on
mantle, a name signed to a card...
i have my own dad, my own family, but i'm part of a community that got
ripped and mangled - it feels strange. i thought i hated richmond, thought
i didn't care for it - but i do.
it will be strange to visit this falll and look at peoples' faces, at
childrens' faces and know the impact.
there is a need for justice, i don't know what form it should take.
when i hear someone argue to bomb them, i can't help thinking of faces and
people who live over 'there'
-when i hear someone speak of making matters worse by bombing them, i
can't
help but see faces of people who live and used to live 'here'.
i want to sleep all the time, and then i don't want to sleep.
and to top it all off, people react with suspicion to those who look
middle eastern.
thankfully for the most part fort wayne seems to be missing most of the
rampage attitude that has been seen across the country.
i'm mexican, i'm american, and i've never felt so ...foreign and american
at the same time.
i am stunned by the realisation that there is no logical answer, no easy
'check here to end terrorism' that i can then send off to ACME inc, and
expect something to happen. nor can i bury my head and expect that things
will blow over - they won't. i'm supposed to be an adult - i'm supposed to
be part of teh decision making world. and whatever world we make, the cute
little kids we see running around will pick up the aftermath of.
rhys
--
they are really only a funny sort of we. kipling (?)
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