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This seemed mildly apropos. Or a comedic relief.
Unfortunately, I don't know who wrote it.
> >> > To: undisclosed-recipients:;
> >> >
> >> > what is your response?
> >> >
> >> > Chocolate is God's way of reminding men how inadequate they
> >> > are. I am vividly confronted with this fact every time my
> >> > wife and I go out to a restaurant. When it gets to dessert,
> >> > my wife usually orders the most chocolate-saturated dessert
> >> > possible: It's the one called "Unstoppable Double-Fudge
> >> > Chocolate Mudslide Explosion" or some such thing. I always
> >> > wonder why anyone would want to eat anything that promises a
> >> > catastrophic natural disaster in your mouth.
> >> >
> >> > The dark brown monstrosity arrives at the table, and my wife
> >> > takes the first bite. Before the fork is even removed from
> >> > her mouth, a small moan escapes her lips. Her eyes,
> >> > previously perfectly aligned, first cross slightly and then
> >> > faze completely, pupils dilating in pure chocolate pleasure
> >> > before the eyelids clamp down in ecstasy. The hand not
> >> > holding the fork clenches into a fist and starts pounding
> >> > the table. The silverware rattles.
> >> >
> >> > After about six minutes of this, she finally manages to
> >> > swallow the bite, realign her eyes, and take the next
> >> > shuttle back from whatever transcendental plane she's been
> >> > visiting. Slowly, her sphere of consciousness expands to
> >> > include me, her husband, her life-long mate, her presumed
> >> > partner in all things ecstatic.
> >> >
> >> > "Hey, this is pretty good," she'll say. "You want some?"
> >> >
> >> > No, I don't. I want nothing to do with an object that does
> >> > to my wife in one bite what I've worked for an entire
> >> > relationship to achieve. It wouldn't do any good, anyway.
> >> > Men just don't have the same relationship with chocolate
> >> > that women do. It's not even close. I wandered around the
> >> > office today and asked men -- "Chocolate. Your thoughts?" --
> >> > and the result was always the same. First, a confused look
> >> > as to why they're being asked about something so trivial,
> >> > and then some lame, obvious statement: "Uh...it's brown?"
> >> >
> >> > Ask women the same question, and you get responses like "The
> >> > ONLY food group," "ESSENTIAL to life as we know it," and
> >> > the ultimate casual swipe at every member of the
> >> > Y-chromosome brigade, "better than sex." Ouch. Some women
> >> > will try to make up for that last one by quickly adding that
> >> > chocolate is supposed to be an aphrodisiac. Uh-huh.
> >> > Chocolate certainly increases desire; problem is the desire
> >> > is usually for more chocolate. The best a guy can do is buy
> >> > a box of chocolates and hope he'll be considered somewhere
> >> > between the cherry truffle and the strawberry nougat.
> >> >
> >> > Don't get me wrong. Guys like chocolate just fine; it's just
> >> > not essential to life as we know it. Respiration is
> >> > essential to life as we know it; chocolate is simply one of
> >> > those nice little bonuses you get. We won't usually pass it
> >> > up if it's offered, but I don't know too many guys who would
> >> > get substantially worked up if it were to suddenly disappear
> >> > from the face of the earth (ironic in a way, as back in the
> >> > days of the Aztecs, only men were allowed to have the
> >> > stuff). When I eat a chocolate dessert, I enjoy it, yes. My
> >> > worldview doesn't narrow to include only the plate that it's
> >> > on.
> >> >
> >> > Maybe we're missing something. On the other hand, we don't
> >> > have to pick up our silverware from the floor after we're
> >> > done with our cheesecake. Life is about trade-offs like
> >> > that. All I know is that come Valentine's Day, chocolate
> >> > will be among the things I offer my wife. I can't truly
> >> > appreciate it, but I can truly appreciate what it does for
> >> > her. Which is close enough.
> >> > what is your response?
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