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outside looking in
Geez, I've never felt so much like a stinking outsider in my life! All
through middle school I was the proverbial loser trying to claw my way
into something cooler than my scrawny little self. As fate would have
it, by the time I breezed my way through high school and into college I
had become the proverbial BigManOnCampus. As for grad
school...fuggetaboutit!...totally untouchable! The other night I had a
dream in which I took my hot shot self back to the small town of my
middle school years. Even though I knew I was the stuff, I was once
again anxious about not fitting in with the redneck goons of my
childhood. That stinking dream has plagued me since, and now I know why!
It was actually a premonition of this very moment in time in which I, in
my neurotic attempts to make people LIKE ME, have actually found myself
alienated by the simple fact that there is only one of me, as opposed to
5,000 or so. I have to check my own darned grammer! If, however, there
were 5,000 or so of me one could be watching "Dharma and Greg" while
another grabs some chicken and rice for dinner. Meanwhile a third and
fourth could be attending a muddy soccer game while a few others get up a
game of vollyball. Of course a few of me would need to be working out
the world peace and gun control problems while #s 527 and 3573 stayed
home to clean up the place...By golly, the possibilities are staggering.
I'm also wondering which one of me would show up at Moonlight Gardens
naked...(obviously the one with buns of steel.) The sad reality,
however, is that I am home alone - all one of me - feeling totally
confident with myself but desparately hoping that people will just LIKE
ME!
"Too young to hold on, and too old to just break free and run.
Sometimes a man gets carried away
When he feels like he should be having his fun
Much too blind to see the damage he's done
Sometimes a man must awake to find that really he has no one."
J.B.
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