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FW: Vader's Commencement Address
--
"4 score and a couple odd years ago, give or take a few, our 4 fathers, yes
there were only 4 of them (Notice any motif here?)..."
Brian Gardner- "Twisted Quotes
----------
>From: "David Stripinis" <dstripin at ix_netcom.com>
>To: "'Becky Rahl'" <brahl at gnncast_net>, "'Robert lundhild'"
<elevenorone at mindspring_com>, "'Rob E Zambrana'" <res531 at AOL_com>, "'Noel E.
Triplett'" <ntriplett at gnncast_net>, "'Matt Dixon'"
<matthewdixon at earthlink_net>, "'Martha Ratcliff'" <marfie at ibm_net>, "'Kemp
Kennedy'" <kemp.kennedy at caps_com>, "'Jason Pickup'" <SSBGoth at AOL_com>, "'J
Bugg'" <jbugg at kapcom_com>, "'Cullen Cox'" <Cullenc3 at AOL_com>, "'angie
coyle'" <acoyle at hotmail_com>, "'Angela Davis'" <CCCangela at AOL_com>, "'Adam
Kintner'" <akintner at kapcom_com>
>Subject: Vader's Commencement Address
>Date: Wed, May 26, 1999, 8:29 PM
>
> This went out on the internal mail at ILM, thought y'all would find it
> amusing....
>
> Pooky
>
> ----------------------------------------------------------------------------
> -----------
>
>
> Darth Vader gives a commencement address
>
> Ladies and Gentlemen of the Vassar College class of '99...embrace the Dark
> Side. If I could offer you only one tip for the future, The Dark Side would
> be it. The long-term benefits of The Dark Side have been proved by the Dark
> Lords of The Sith, whereas the rest of my advice has no basis more reliable
> than my own meandering cruelty and conquests.
>
> I will dispense this advice now...
>
> Enjoy the power and beauty of your planet. Oh, nevermind, you will never
> understand the power and the beauty of your planet until after the Empire
> has destroyed it in a futile attempt to find the Rebel Base. But trust me,
> in twenty years, you will look back at photos of your home and recall, in a
> way you can't grasp now, how blissfully ignorant you were, and how fabulous
> your planet really looked before it was a pile of burning space rubble. Your
> planet is not as dull as you imagine.
>
> Don't worry about the Rebellion - or worry, but know that worrying is as
> effective as trying to make the Kessel run in a landspeeder. The real
> troubles in your life are apt to be things that never crossed your twisted
> mind. The kind that fire a direct hit into your reactor core at 4 PM on some
> idle Tuesday.
>
> Do in one Death Star officer every day.
>
> Scheme.
>
> Don't disobey the Emperor's orders; don't put up with people who disobey
> yours.
>
> Hate.
>
> Don't waste your time on Stormtroopers. They can't hit the broad side of a
> barn.
>
> The battle is long and in the end, it's only with yourself. And your idiot
> son.
>
> Remember the prophecies of the Emperor; ignore the whinings of your bratty
> upstart farmboy of a son. If you succeed in doing this, tell me how.
>
> Keep your old light saber, but change your costume slightly with every
> sequel.
>
> Destroy.
>
> Don't feel guilty if you have no misgivings about joining the Dark Side. The
> most interesting people I know didn't have any respect at 22 for their
> victim's lives. Some of the most interesting 40-year olds I know still
> don't.
>
> Have plenty of minions.
>
> Be kind to your right hand, you'll miss it when it's gone.
>
> Maybe you'll marry, maybe you won't. Maybe your son will join you, maybe he
> won't. Maybe you'll convince your daughter to become a dark Jedi and assist
> you in your campaign of hatred and destruction; maybe she'll become a rebel
> leader and marry a scruffy-looking nerf herder.
>
> Whatever you do, don't congratulate yourself too much, or berate yourself
> either. Your destiny is guided by the Force. So is everybody else's.
>
> Enjoy the Force. Exploit it every way you can. Don't be afraid of it or what
> other people think of your "sorcerer's ways." The ability to destroy a
> planet is insignificant next to its power.
>
> Kill. Even if you have no one to kill but a meaningless extra.
>
> Listen to what the Emperor has forseen, even if you don't follow his
> prophecies.
>
> Do not take your mask off, it will only make you feel ugly. And vulnerable.
>
> Get to know your parents. You'll never know when they'll turn out to be your
> arch enemies.
>
> Be nice to your siblings. They are your best link to your Jedi lineage and
> the ones most likely to become Jedi in the future.
>
> Understand that lackeys come and go. But with a precious few, you should
> keep from crushing their tracheas. Work hard to bridge the gaps in geography
> and lifestyle, for as the more desperate you become, the more you will need
> to send bounty hunters to do your dirty work for you.
>
> Live on Dagobah once, but leave before you get foot rot.
>
> Live on Tattooine once, but leave before you get heat stroke.
>
> Travel. Preferably in your own custom TIE Fighter.
>
> Accept certain inalienable truths: rebellions will rise, the Imperial Senate
> will have to be disbanded, you too will get old. And when you do, you'll
> fantasize that when you were young, rebels were easily crushed, the Imperial
> Senate was subservient, and citizens respected their Emperor.
>
> Respect your Emperor.
>
> Don't expect your son to rule the galaxy with you. Maybe he'll give in to
> his anger, maybe he'll strike you down, but you'll never know when he'll
> whine pleadingly and you'll find yourself turning to the Light Side and
> saving his sorry butt.
>
> Don't strike down your old Jedi Master, or he will become more powerful than
> you could possibly imagine.
>
> Be careful whose advice you buy, but be patient with those who supply it, or
> I'll crush your throat. Advice is a form of nostalgia. Dispensing it is a
> way of fishing your humanity from the depths of sin, wiping it off, putting
> black body armor over the ugly parts and redeeming it for more than its
> worth.
>
> But trust me on the Dark Side.
>
>