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Every 80's song in one story! (no OtR)

Love in the Eighties

I was working part time in a five and dime. My boss was Mr. Magee. He was six
foot four and full of muscles and walked like an Egyptian, but I was happy to
be stuck with him. One manic Monday, while I was busy working for the weekend,
I overheard him make a careless whisper. He told two of my co-workers, Jack
and Diane, that I gave love a bad name. Well, I got so emotional, baby. I told
him to say say say what he wants, but don't play games with my affection. He
told me it was hard for him to say he's sorry and not to worry, to be happy.
Then he blamed it on the rain. He was so out of touch. It just  took my breath
away. I couldn't fight this feeling any longer. I asked him "What's love got
to do with it?" He told me to get outta his store and his dreams and into my
car. So I figured I might as well jump.

I cut footloose, went home and called my girl, Jenny. (You already know the
number.) She was on the other line with Amanda. They were talking about Mickey
and how he was so fine. That blew my mind! Was she really going out with him?
I told her that I had just called to say I love her. She told me she had been
saving all her love for me, but now she was looking for a new love -
hasta la vista, baby.  I thought "I can't go for that - no can do! Bring me a
higher love!"
I called up some of my old west end girls, hoping that one of them would want
to get physical all night long (all night).  First I called Billie Jean - she
told me to beat it. I called Rosanna - her sister Christian blessed the rains
down in Africa and then hung up on me. Come on, Eileen! ... no answer.
Nobody told me there'd be days like these!  I was feeling like the owner of a
lonely heart.

Then, out of the blue, my best friend's girlfriend (she used to be mine)
Roxanne calls.  Yes, the real Roxanne.  She told me she still hadn't found
what she's looking for and that she wanted to take on me. I said "I thought
you were Jessie's girl." She said "Don't you want me? You don't have to put on
the red light - I'm on my own." What a feeling! I had the eye of the tiger.
Who was I f-f-f-foolin? Roxanne drove me crazy like no one else. She's a
beauty! She blinded me with science, and weird science at that. There was
always something there to remind me of her and I just knew that I'd have the
time of my life. I wasn't about to la-di-da-di.

I jumped in my little red Corvette and rocked down to  Electric Avenue.  I got
my mind set on her. When I got to her house (in the middle of her street) I
ran. I rapped on her front door and to this rapper's delight, I heard a voice
say "Who can it be now?"  "Here I am, the one that you love", I replied. I let
my love open the door and was immediately lost in her eyes. I felt like a
virgin touched for the very first time. She loosened her blouse and said "Rock
me Amadeus!" Well, I felt it was my prerogative to bust a move. I told her
"I'll tumble for ya!" as I pinned her on the stairs, hungry like the wolf.
Just then I felt an invisible touch on my shoulder. "Turn around bright eyes!"
said a familiar voice. As I did, Jessie hit me with a sledgehammer of an
uppercut that spun me right round like a record. He was hangin' tough and
continued to roll with it, knocking the wind from beneath my wings - broken
wings by this time. He rocked me tonight, for old time's sake, beating me from
head to toe, until my true colors were black and blue and blood was spilling
from my mouth like red, red wine. "You don't owe me money for nothing!" he
snarled. At this point I was livin' on a prayer.

I crawled back to my little red Corvette and drove home thinking about how my
tainted love had cut like a knife - how it seems that every rose, truly, has
its thorn. No longer do I want to know what love is. Love stinks.



We are born naked, wet and hungry.
Then things get worse.
- bumper sticker
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