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a tremendous loss


ok...thanks to rhys...i think this will finally post correctly....

i've been trying to post several times...but it doesn't work for some
reason.  so i'll try again....

i will definitely be at c'stone this year...along w/ my family, a niece, a
friend...and maybe others.  if anyone is planning any sort of
"get-together"...pls let me know.  thanks.

on a more serious and painful note....here's something i tried to post
earlier....

i've just experienced the worst emotional pain i've ever experienced.  on
march 19th i lost my father.  on the 9th he suffered a heart attack.  his
heart actually stopped for 10 minutes, after being shocked 3 times, they
brought him back...and he commented how much better after he felt after his
"little nap."  after a few days they sent him home until his hemoglobin was
closer to normal, then they planned to put stents in the blockages in his
heart...and all was to be ok after that.  we had an amazing week with my
dad...the whole family spent many hours enjoying him...talking to him about
what a close call it was, and letting him know how glad we were to have
him...and how much we loved him.  but on the morning of the 19th...he
started feeling chest pains. heart attack #2.   at 10:15, i lost my
precious father.  his death was peaceful.  my sister said that he walked so
closely with God throughout his life, that when he died...it wasn't a huge
jump...he didn't have to fly...it was simply the next step.  dad was a
pastor in our church...ministered there for 40 years...was heavily involved
in the community and with our church conference that spreads across the
country.  over 700 attended his funeral...and many mourn his passing.
unfortunately, my dad's last years were filled with depression for
him...due to a couple hard-headed selfish fools in the church who made his
retirement from the ministry pure hell.  he was such a loving, forgiving
gentle man...full of faith and integrity...and these few couldn't see it.
with political motives, they drove him from the pulpit, and i don't have it
in my heart to forgive.  my dad is so much better off now...i know
that...but i am so angry to realize how he died of a broken heart---in
every way.

sorry for my long-windedness.  i know i don't really know any of you...but
i still feel part of this "family", and i had to share this deep pain of
mine.  i just long for peace...and some kind of understanding of all of
this...most of all...i selfishly long to have my dad back.

                          ..................twila




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