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new year's content(edness)

--- Ysobelle at aol_com wrote:
> How was everyone's Yule, anyway?
> 
> And, more immediately, 
> HAPPY NEW YEAR!

happy new year darling(s)...

spent my new years eve with my mother.  i had received
an invitation to a party from a friend who was invited
to the party (i.e. i would know no one but the friend
there) and decided on picking up a bottle of diet coke
and a container of seafood salad (i will not try to
justify this -- when the spirit moves in the grocery
store, you simply obey :) )and drove to my mom's.  the
moon was an orange in the sky, i briefly contemplated
staying in my car on a hill somewhere with my salad
and coke just staring at the moon, but continued my
drive to zieglersville road.

my sisters and i sat around the kitchen table doodling
boys names on scraps of paper while we talked (it's
amazing how easy it is to reverse to highschool
tactics over a boy you hardly know).  i rang in the
new year while my sisters were on-line and my mother
by my side as we watched a movie.  actually we missed
midnight.  12:01 we said happy new year and then
laughed at a funny line in the film.

2001 was a wonderful, horrible year.  i started it
with my first real job that came with a real paycheck.
 finally let go of my ex and realized that letting the
hope of him go doesn't mean letting go of the faith
that there is someone else i to love and to be loved
back by.  i signed adoption papers and knew that there
would be a 'right' time and that i would be ready for
it then.  i learned that god can make everything good
even when it hurts to breathe.  i sobbed for 5000
people i never knew in september, wiped my eyes to
meeting all of you (what a wonderful relief you are,
to exist and let exist for exactly as we are -- have i
told you guys that yet?) i exhaled 2001 in my mother's
dining room, marveled that this year i found the peace
of innocence i thought i left behind in college.  how
sweet the smell of baby's breath when it is your own. 


i kissed mom, said goodnight to my sisters, kissed the
amazing messieur atticus in his crib and then took my
time on the drive home.  the moon eluded me, hiding
like a junior high school girl behind some trees, we
never quite made eye contact.  i arrived in my office
to write some silly resolutions and fell asleep with a
quiet contentedness.  this is going to be an amazing
year, i felt in the semi-consciousness of not quite
sleep and had seen it earlier in the moon.

most sincere (and melodramatic) regards,
liesel

=====
you don't know what you want from me,
except to sit and watch words tumble from my mouth
like bodies off a bridge.
and i am thinking i have met the woman of my dreams --
and she is just like every man i have ever known.

--the artist formerly known as liesolita

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