[Date Prev][Date Next][Thread Prev][Thread Next][Date Index][Thread Index]

Re: Over-The-Rhine Digest V3 #543


--- TYoder at sschwab_com wrote:

> of course, i certainly can't argue with that.  but
> i'm at a point in my
> life where it hurts to touch...and i haven't the
> strength to move anything.

i'm sorry things are hard.  hi, i'm j. marie...fellow
lostee.

but i must say that realizing your need...realizing
that _we_ can't move things (in and of ourselves) is a
great thing.  i'd say it's the beginning to knowing
god...however it is we can in this limited existence. 
when we see parts of him, it certainly sheds light on
who we are.

> i haven't reached this point suddenly, --finally
> facing abuse in my past,
> and circumstances...nasty circumstances in my
> church, --- have made me
> bitter and disillusioned...and i no longer attend
> there...except on the
> rarest of occasions.  i can't bring myself to attend
> anywhere...so i stay
> home.

my parents are there too.  my little sister died 3
years ago, and they don't "play church" anymore.  they
didn't find anything real where they did attend.

i encourage them to seek out what is real though.  and
not to reject the idea of being part of a fellowship
when they do find one.

  i feel as if i'm in some freakish holding
> pattern...

i think that's the best i've heard it described.

and in this mad
> circling...who i tho't god is fades daily...i'm
> waiting for another image
> to emerge...but it's all darkness.

there are two aspects to waiting...the passive and the
active.  i'm learning a lot about the active
one...like a waiter at a restaurant.  i seek and serve
and put my vulnerable, splattered heart out over and
over.  for me to say i won't is not in cahoots with
what god did.

total humiliation.  god pooping in diapers and then
dying in agony practically naked on a cross.  b/c of
his kind of love, i have to say, "no, i'm gonna keep
going back."  i'm gonna putting myself out there. 
that doesn't mean i step into something i know will be
awful and won't benefit others, but it does mean i'm
willing to risk the rejection.  god risks/risked total
rejection when he went through coming down off his
throne of the universe and living a human existence. 
there are plenty who still don't respond to his
passionate pursuit of them.  he still pursues though.

  i don't blame
> the church for this, but
> i can't say they had nothing to do with this state
> i'm in either.  

for real.  and the thing is that i think that's almost
like a separate thing.  they need forgiveness...but
they also need to repent ya know?  the forgiveness
they need from me is the only part i have of it except
for alerting them to maybe how they've hurt me.

i
> realize i alone am to blame, and i alone must walk
> this road...but right
> now i need to rant and rave so that in all the
> silence i at least hear one
> voice....all the silence was deafening me....

it's good to know that the path is worn by many :) 
your honesty is very refreshing.

take care,
j. marie

__________________________________________________
Do You Yahoo!?
Yahoo! Auctions - buy the things you want at great prices
http://auctions.yahoo.com/
---------------
Unsubscribe by going to http://www.actwin.com/MediaNation/OtR/
References: