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-- The Biography --
Last updated: August 23, 2001

Bruce's (exactly) 25 Outrageously True, Fast, and Fun Facts:

• Conceived in the Spring of Love, 1969
• Played a xylophone onstage in a high school play
• Doesn't like screaming babies or raw tomatoes
• Can barely stand to hear himself eat cereal

• Lost US$100 in a shell-game scam on the streets of Barcelona. I'm contending I thought the pesos were 'play money'
• Thinks dope-smoking Libertarians are 'kooks'
• Taught swimming lessons to hapless children for 6 years
• Once sifted tars
• Once sifted through three huge Shoney's post-breakfast buffet filled trash barrels searching for a lost retainer
• Thinks fish with big teeth are 'creepy'
• Would consider a brief no-charge advertising stint for Coca Cola if he became famous, 'cos the beverage is so damn good
• Can't speak Spanish but it doesn't stop him from trying
• Favorite song: "Secret Oktober" by Duran Duran
• Thinks Sony could market a hunk of cheese as long as it had their logo on it and he'd want to buy it
• Can only name 6 flowers by sight
• Has no real need for more than 3 hrs of TV per month
• Will sing underneath any domed or parabolic overhead around
• Favorite Beatle: Paul
• Is frightened by midgets
• Has not had an indoor refrigerator for over a year (Bruce's mother would argue this point)
• Always wants to spell refrigerator as 'refridgerator'
• Degreed in Engineering, Schooled in Love
• Biggest Mistake in Life: Ordering the fish last night
• Allergies: none known

• Could never do a proper handstand
• When he grows up he wants to "help people". Just kidding. Screw the people.

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