Original post: http://www.theonion.com/articles/social-media-rock-star-makes-28000-per-year,32301
MARIETTA, GA—Widely regarded as one of the online world’s brightest personalities, sources confirmed Friday that famed 28-year-old social media rock star Ryan Wasserman, better known as @RWthinks by his legions of passionate fans, makes roughly $28,000 per year.
Wasserman, who for the last three years has worked as an administrative assistant at KPL Insurance Group, has reportedly amassed over 250,000 rabid followers since first taking Twitter by storm in 2009 and has since blown up into one of the most prominent and popular voices in the social media sphere.
“I try to add something new to the conversation with every post,” said Wasserman, who sources claim totally kills it with his tweets day in, day out and receives absolutely no benefits from his employer. “My followers expect the best, and I take that as a responsibility to always give them something to really think about.”
“I’m constantly pushing the boundaries with my tweets,” added the man who makes approximately $1,600 per month after taxes and has not made a student loan payment in over two years. “I started a Tumblr a few months ago too, because sometimes 140 characters just doesn’t cut it for what I need to say.”
According to sources, Wasserman receives over 300 retweets and 400 favorites on each of the roughly 30 tweets he posts daily. The universally proclaimed “Twitter luminary” also reportedly attracts hundreds of new followers every week and has a $1,000 monthly credit limit on his VISA card.
“I post about all sorts of things—news, politics, music, movies, and just plain old everyday stuff,” said the big-time social media hotshot who rides the bus to and from work every day. “I’m happy that what I write resonates so deeply with people, but I try not to get too wrapped up in all the Twitter mentions and ‘Follow Friday’ shout-outs. I’m always thinking about my next post.”
Wasserman’s every move is said to be fawned over by his rapidly growing base of supporters, all of whom voraciously read anything the social media sensation posts in his downtime between collating photocopies, filing payroll forms, and brewing coffee for his boss.
“I check RWthinks’ feed every day because that guy is basically the king of the Internet,” 31-year-old Twitter user Daniel Parker said of the man who has $900 in his checking account. “I remember when he favorited my reply to one of his tweets, and I was just so excited. I can’t believe he even read it, with all the replies he gets.”
“I started following him on Instagram too, and the guy just lights it up nonstop wherever he goes,” Parker continued. “I don’t know how he does it. He’s just all over the place.”
Sources confirmed that Wasserman, who is paid $13 per hour and is not eligible for overtime, appears regularly on the FavStar daily leaderboard and is frequently featured in “Must Follow” lists from the Huffington Post, CNN, and TIME. Influential Twitter users such as musician Questlove, actress Olivia Wilde, Mashable founder Pete Cashmore, and NBA star Blake Griffin also follow Wasserman’s tweets, which the high-profile social media icon reportedly writes on the iPhone his parents bought him and still keep on their family plan.
Moreover, experts say the swift ascent of the 28-year-old entry-level employee into the upper echelons of internet superstardom is showing no signs of slowing down.
“There’s no two ways about it: Ryan Wasserman owns social media right now,” said Gawker social media analyst Haley Iacona, noting that the internet phenom, who pays $650 per month to share a two-bedroom apartment with a 23-year-old he met through Craigslist, has built a far-reaching and fervid global audience. “He’s an absolute Twitter machine. He just has his finger on the pulse like nobody else out there right now. One retweet from him and you’re guaranteed to get at least a few hundred more followers.”
At press time, sources confirmed Wasserman was sitting on his full-sized futon purchased from a used furniture store, watching the retweets pour in as his latest Twitter post went viral.