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to breath awhile
hello, digest.
I am escaping the perils of my former bedroom
presently. it's nice to breath for a little bit.
I am so very nostalgic and melancholy as I go through
the possessions of my childhood. I find the small
wooden bed my father created for my porcelain doll,
Brooke. I find the satin ballet slippers my mother
bought me because she knew I wanted to dance. I find
the very strange knitted scarves my sister knitted (?)
that wind multiple times around many a stuffed
critters throat.
you throw away a lot.
you keep a lot.
some of my friends came to visit the other day.
while I stirred pasta, they murmered that they should
have visited me more often at my swanky abode. I
smile wryly.
my sister becomes angry, when she realises I own half
of the apartment furnishings.
my father and brother still have yet to have long
conversations with me.
the baby photographs and grinning mug-shots of me as a
rosy-cheeked blond little girl pile high.
I see my reflection in a mirror, in a white dress with
a shrouding veil. it is strange to see myself in a
wedding gown.
Melanie danced around in the dress I selected for her
attire as my maid of honour. she was a little burgundy
nymph maiden as she skipped about with sparkling eyes.
at three in the morning, I called Jay to find him
still awake. we couldn't sleep. I had been searching
the journals of a young lindsey and cried when I found
it. I had written a few pages at age fifteen--prayers
for the man I would marry. prayers for my future
husband, long before I knew a man called Edward Jay
Harnish, II.
we talked for hours and finally sleep drug our eyes
down.
and I think about the house we will live in, the house
I have not yet seen. I wonder what it shall be like to
sit by my love every evening and be able to look him
in the eyes when we talk until dawn. I pack up my
favourite books and wonder if we will finally have
time to read those stories.
and I know that I am blessed.
and I am aware that I am so very rich.
and I remain very quiet, and very near tears as I see
the blessings of my years and those to come.
it is well.
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