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gender differences in the context of family (no otr)
hola :)
i'm cutting and pasting from the digest and...
kelvin delved in with:
>Here's an interesting question...I think. Does
anyone
>think that this happens to men/fathers/husbands as
>well? Do their intellectual identities ever suffer
or
>are their minds/dreams/plans ever stifled because
they
>have a family. I think it does.
>Opinions? Thoughts?
i agree with samantha that it's a sacrifice no matter
who you are (as is any relationship if it's real),
still i don't know that it's totally comparable. if
you look just at the intellectual identity aspect in
the 1950's model, dads are at work with other adults.
moms aren't that educated and are at home talking baby
talk. also to be considered is the rampant
urban/suburban situation.
houses/families/people are much more isolated than
they were years ago. "back in the day" (and still in
some families), women are part of a multigenerational
family with close proximity. Look at the farm. The
children were/are raised not only by their mother and
her husband (who is probably working out in the field
but not commuting an hour) but also by grandparents,
cousins, aunts and uncles etc.
in that circumstance, a woman interacts with people of
varrying ages and a man is close enough to be with his
children more than working dads might be now. a wife
and mother in that situation is also contributing to
the wellfare of the farm. she has chores too. she
might do the books etc. along with the food
preparation. maybe she makes handicrafts or food
items to sell. 'member that proverbs 31 woooo-man.
she had 7 jobs out of her home.
i believe i ordered the _large_ capuccino...
in the farm scenario, a wife and mother can do all
that b/c of the many people around. the kids also
have the benefit of the influence of men and
women--and possibly other children. that's different
than shoving mom into a small domain and leaving her
without the car :) (since you don't have enough money
for two).
and even if you're home as a wife and socially active,
a career of some sort develops you in a way that's
different from conversation and personal interaction.
many moms suffer without it. i'm with rhys that even
if i were home, i'd have to be doing something on the
side--reading, writing, discussion groups like the
dead theologians society (this quirky group i'm part
of). otherwise i'd sofocate. did i spell that right?
rhys said:
> i thintk that there is a lot of pressure these days
> for women to 'do it
> all'. have the career. have the kids. and you can't
> do it.
amen. something has to give somewhere. i have a
professor who was ready to give birth any day when she
defended her dissertation. dear god. :) you always
hear women asked how they are to balance it, but it
rarely is a question asked of men (at least in
academia).
i still stand somewhat behind kelvin's feeling of
pressure to provide etc. and be emotionally involved.
just because society doesn't require a father to be an
involved one but does usually require it from mothers
doesn't mean that both parents shouldn't be committed
sacrificially. yay sacrifice! yay confrontation!
that's what life really is anyway. and lots of joy.
it's an adventure.
>I think it's a universal conundrum. Men want women
to
>be Harriet Nelson and Kathy Ireland. Women want men
>to be Alan Alda and John Wayne.
well, not all of us don't fit into that box. john
wayne is probably the _last_ person i'd dream of
meeting. and honestly, if my husband were doing what
fulfilled him and i what fulfilled me--_with_ all the
compromises thrown in to stir that pot, i'd be happy.
i don't care if he earns more money than i do. i
don't care if he's the one to be at home more. we'll
figure out what we do best and how we do that together
to the best advantage of our marriage, family (as led
by god too--yes, a knotty subject) and ministry to
other people. but i'm not satisfied with most
stereotypes. they limit men and women--not to mention
our (future) beloved children.
>That's why I think that if we don't understand what
>those "Man should be the head of the household"
>passages mean - or what they DON'T mean - things can
>get really whacked.
but i wonder who really _does_ understand them :)
yeah: is it an ultrasoft patriarchy or is it a
complementary egalitarianism? always a fun question.
to which i don't have a firm answer at all. but
that's okay for now. you can all laugh at me someday
if i actually have to sort it out for real--which i
wouldn't be doing alone, mind you.
i will say this: i've observed that those who are
really trying to understand those passages without
dismissing them have an amazing adventure in life with
family. there is grace, and i'm depending on it
should i have a husband and family.
samantha said:
>have their husbands leave. They tell me to have a
>career because they
>are afraid for me, afraid that I will be put into the
>same position
>they were.
i think this is a very important point. i'm nearly
25, and i am not married. am i gonna just eat ramen
noodles for the rest of my life at home and hope that
mr. wonderful comes along soon? i can live in faith
that i'll be taken care of (that doesn't mean
painlessly) in love and life, relating to people
peacefully and without husband-hunting. i live that
way not b/c "i'm just plain sufficient and that's
that" but b/c that's where i'm at. and i'm not
guaranteed a husband or a nuclear family.
i can work. i can earn money. i don't have kids that
my studies and job take me away from. not only that:
i've been out of my parents' house for quite a while
:) they'd help if i truly needed it but not b/c i
didn't want to work "too much" b/c i needed to
position myself as a desireable future wife with her
priorities straight. ahem.
also, i'm not saying that all tradional people believe
what i'm challenging above--since we are such a myriad
here.
off to work now,
j. marie
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