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you knew i'd come back someday
hello.
so i left, and then i started lurking the digest a few weeks ago, and now
the recent conversations have left me wanting to jump in and shout my
thoughts. i'm kinda coming with my tail between my legs, though, as there
are a few of you who i owe real, personal communication to...
but on to what's being talked about...i know i'm a couple of days behind,
but i wanted to comment on a few of rhys and kelvin's thoughts. (hi, rhys!
i'm so glad that your family is safe!!)
rhys said:
>i think it's one of our greatest fears as humans. not necessarily the
>dying part, but the being left part... of losing someone and being left
then kelvin said:
> > Here's a wierd thought: Sometimes what I fear more than the being
> > left is simply not knowing how to react. Obviously, if it's family or
> > a close friend, the fear of losing and being left is predominant.
then rhys said:
>but even people with whom you don't live day-to-day, who wouldn't cause
>what seemed like a huge crisis - even those deaths affect you. it'd be
>like reaching out and re-remembering that they're gone. it'd be like
>having amnesia about a missing arm... it *feels* like it's there, but when
>you go to reach for something, nothing happens. and memory takes over.
and now i say:
when it happens, i think you just know how to respond. we all respond
differently to grief anyway, so it's hard to define what is "appropriate" or
non-offensive...
i've found that some losses are like having a missing arm that you didn't
realize you even had, or how much impact it had on you, until it was gone.
last year a friend of mine died suddenly and tragically. in truth, he was
more of an acquaintance than a close friend. i hadn't talked to him in over
a year, and we never went out of our way t stay in contact with each
other. but he was wise and talented, and his presence and thoughts had an
influence on me in those formative underclassman years, when you find
yourself in awe of anyone who is a little older and cool, and who can write
songs. when i heard of his death, i didn't plan to go to the funeral,
precisely becasue i wasn't sure how i was supposed to respond. i felt a
loss, but it was more of a grieving for my close friends who really were
intimate with him. but i did go, and i will never, never regret it. and
you know, the funny thing is that he *is* that missing limb, although i
didn't really expect him to be. i can't count the number of times that i'll
be driving or walking, and a song or word or image (last week is was an npr
news story) will suddenly fill my mind with his face, and the tears will
come, along with that now-familiar awareness of how dark and painful our
world really is, but how much joy and hope is surrounding the pain.
i'm homesick, too, rhys.
good dog bad dog is a great album for homesickness.
glad to be back,
amyjoy
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